Saturday I attended an "Alive & Free" seminar that I got released from a bunch of spiritual bondage stuff that I didn't expect that I had on me. A part of that seminar we were to write down things we were still hanging onto. Frankly, I only thought of 2 things, but as I wrote those things, the Holy Spirit kept bringing up one more thing. By the time I finished, I must've had 20-30 post-its filled with "stuff" that was keeping my life in bondage. They ranged from money, finances, parenting, self-image, relationships with other people & men, my health & fitness, my body, business dealings, stock market, every day life stuff. I kept writing and writing.
Tears poured down my face as I wrote. I think all mine my crap was more than the other 7 women put together. Then, we were to take all those items and physically take a nail and nail them to the cross that was about as tall as me. As I nailed each of my post-it of things I was in bondage to, the tears poured down even more and I couldn't stop it. However, about 1/3 of the way through nailing all those to the cross, the tear faucet began to slowdown the tears and before I was done, the tears had stopped flowing.
There was something very freeing about the whole process.
Then, in the late afternoon, we gathered with tens of thousands of people to worship God at CityFest where Luis Palau was preaching and a number of Christian musicians were performing. It was an awesome time with many thousands of people accepting Jesus Christ as their Savior. Very, very powerful.
The kids and I got home late and within a couple hours after my kids fell asleep, my son woke up with an excruciating earache, which only 1 other time he's had a minor earache. After a couple hours of praying, trying all my alternative stuff that seemed to temporarily help him for 5-10 min., but he was in so much pain. The oncall doctor where he is at gave me one more thing to try before going to Urgent Care. I did it, but it didn't seem to work. Thus, we went to Urgent Care. He said my son had a pretty bad ear infection, which was caused by congestion and possibly swimming - all of which my ex (their dad) created this, yet I have to deal with this.
Needless to say, a full Saturday with okay sleep but not enough the night before, and hardly any sleep Saturday night, made for a very challenging Sunday. Sunday's are often very full and this past Sunday was no exception. This lent itself to unhealthy eating, in part. There were some spiritual victories here, too, but competing with physical exhaustion, it wasn't real good.
Monday I don't really remember all that I went through, except both my kids really tried my patience, especially my son who dragged out his homework from 1.5 hrs to 4.5 hrs. Very exasperating and emotionally draining. Eating was great until the kids came into play, then I overloaded my system with sugar. That, combined with frustration towards my kids led me to emotional overload. We didn't get to have our Family Bible Time, which made matters worse.
Since I was so wired and couldn't sleep, I stayed up and did some computer maintenance work and deleted over 24 GB of stuff from 2 drives, which is a lot of stuff. There were some things that I had been hanging to for a long time that I decided to get rid of, so I can move forward in life. Afterall, Saturday I unloaded a bunch of spiritual stuff, this was just the next step for me. It felt good.
Then, today, I woke up and felt like I was in an oppressive, depressive mode that was even heavier. Didn't go to my day life group, which I completely love. Stayed home, slept and did a bunch of EFT and some praying. Even after exercising, I didn't feel better. As I write this, I'm just tired.
Tomorrow is a full day with my daughter and the fifth grade on a field trip, then volunteering for my son's class.
I'm not really sure why I've been just wanting to eat junk food frequently. It's not like me, but I've been having this issue for about 2 months now on/off.
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