There is a lot of financial & legal stuff on my plate that I'm so challenged to fit everything in. In fact, I'm now dealing with procrastination issues, which I think stem from fear of all different sorts. Plus, in January, that was the second time I injured my knees in a 6 month period. The 2nd time was so painful and though my knees feel fine right now, there is this fear that they may get reinjured again and I really don't want to go through that setback again.
It feels like I'm on a precipice (sp?) of great change in my life, but there is this thing pulling me back, wanting to keep me safe. What would be the downside to me succeeding in my eating, my workouts to drop the bodyfat and get to where I want? What would be the downside to me clearing my financial debt burdens? What would be the downside to me earning decent money consistently? Yes, you're reading correctly. What would be the DOWNSIDE to me succeeding in each of these areas?
I've never been down to the 15% bodyfat range nor having flat abs. I mentioned to a male friend this weekend about perhaps wanting to get ripped abs and his face just grimaced and he discouraged me from this. I didn't seriously want ripped abs, which is around 12% and I'm guessing getting from 15% down to 12% takes some serious hardcore discipline and work. And, I really don't want to work THAT hard or be THAT strict.
Would my life change THAT much if I had flat abs, no arm jiggle, no thigh jiggle, a lean sculpted body? How would men & women treat me differently on the downside? Would I attract unsavory men into my life? Would women be jealous? What if I got into bad relationships with men again and couldn't discern a bad man for my children & I between a great guy and have to go through this hell again?
What if I were able to clear my financial debts and start all over from ground zero? What would happen when I can earn good money again? Would I still have freedom with my time and children? Would I be able to be the mommy I want to be for my children that I have been the past 4 yrs or would I have to give that up to make decent money to provide for my kids & I? Is it possible to make good money, still have freedom with your time and not be scammed, have poor health, live a schedule frantic life? Would the simplicity I now have with my kids be traded in for complexity again and loads of stress that I don't want?
I believe these are some of the things that are weighing me down and causing me to not really get moving too much. Where I'm at in terms of bodyfat, the 23-24% level is about the lowest I can seem to get. Once I get to this level, which this is the 2nd or 3rd time in my life, this is a stalling point. I need to be able to break down and get into the 21% and lower range, so this is a critical point.
Our bodies & minds are there to protect us, if it feels like it's being threatened. My subconscious perceives it's whole world is being threatened and hanging on for dear life. Whether I do EFT, prayer, Healing Codes, any of those, I need to really seek God in this whole thing. The fear is not a God thing nor does God want me to be fearful. God wants me to be successful and to live out my life in power & His authority, not be held back by fears.
Hopefully I'll post later today that I got some exercise in, even if just a walk around the park. I need to get my booty moving otherwise my booty will be getting bigger. Yes, I like having a booty, but not too big.
My goal size is 6.
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